I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize