not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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