He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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