Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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