Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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