If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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