i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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