things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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