i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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