worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize