dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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