is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
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You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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