Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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