just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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