we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
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Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
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I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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