My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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