Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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