i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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