fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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