There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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