you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
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As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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