so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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