You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
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I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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