I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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