I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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