i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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