the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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