3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize