He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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