I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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