I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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