porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize