The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
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His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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