Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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