I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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