he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize