i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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