i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize