Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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