We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I touched a dick in church today
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