do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize