Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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