No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize