it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
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repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
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We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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