Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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