No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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