Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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