im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize