I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
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I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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