she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
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If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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